Pokefail
by Melancholic Zero
Summary: Parody of the Pokemon TV show. Poor Ash, he needs to go to the organ bank to recieve a brain.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! **

**This is my first story for Pokemon and I hop it will be good! Sorry if this one is a little short but I would like it if you would R&R! Please R&R, would you kindly? :P**

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In this large world, there is a small town called Pellet town, home of a young boy named Ash Ketchup. Ash is going to be 10 years old tomorrow and will be old enough to get his first Pokemon. This is going to be a very special birthday for Ash because, in addition to him being a year older, his family learned just a couple days ago, after years of hard work and training, young Ash had actually achieved the highest I.Q. in the family; he was finally as smart as a grapefruit! Tomorrow this young boy would begin a great adventure, one that he would never forget!

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Ash Ketchup stared lovingly at his TV screen. His mother recorded a pokemon battle by two powerful trainers last week, and Ash watched the battle for the 34th time. Ash cheered, he hoped that the poor trainer that had lost 33 times before would finally win! Ash sighed as the battle finished, nope, the trainer lost again. Maybe that trainer would win if Ash watched them battle again!

Ash eagerly rewound the tape to see as his mom walked in his room. "Ash, it's time for bed" she told him. "Aw, mom, just five more minutes?" Ash begged. "Ash, you said that five minutes ago! Now go to bed!" she screamed, and then walked out of the room. Ash sadly got into his footie pajamas, tucked in his TV, then fell asleep.

The next morning, Ash jumped out of bed. He was exited about receiving his first Pokemon! Ash sped out of the house, forgetting to change out of his pajamas again. No matter how much his mom lectured him on it, he always seemed to forget. Ash ran to Professor Oat's office, he saw a crowd of people gathered around one other 10-year-old. Ash forced his way to the front "Hi! What's your name?" Ash asked the boy. "Gary" the boy stated. "Hi Gary" Ash shouted. Gary frowned "That's Mr. Gary to you!" Ash looked at the boy's Poke-Ball "What Pokemon didja get?" Ash asked. "None of your Combeeswax." Gary answered. Ash was angry.

"Whatever loser!"

Gary glared and replied "That's Mr. Loser to y-" Gary turned red and got into his car, where he was immediately pulled over and arrested for underage driving and DUI.

Ash walked in to Professor Oat's office. The Professor smiled "Ah Ash, I knew you would come here eventually."

"Ohmygosh, how did you know that?!?"

Professor Oat sighed, "You called in advance, idiot. Which Pokemon do you want? Hurry up." Ash looked around at all the friendly Pokemon when he saw a yellow one in a cage, strapped down, and trying to bite the aide next to it. Ash smiled "I want the cute yellow one!"

Professor Oak blinked "Okaaaaaaaaaaay" he said. He unlocked the cage and undid the straps. Ash grabbed the Pokemon "What's it called?" Oat sighed "Pikachu" he answered.

Ash happily walked out of the office and started off on his grand adventure. Then Pikachu zapped him so hard he fainted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome to my latest installment of….POKEFAIL!!!!!**

**Again, this one may be a tad short…..Sorry!!!!**

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After about a week, Ash woke up from his electric shock. Thankfully, he didn't sustain any brain damage, because there weren't any brain cells to kill! Ash stood up and brushed himself off, a Spearow caught his eye. "Pikachu! Help me catch this thing!" he shouted. Pikachu stepped towards the Spearow, lightning coursed though its body. Ash slapped the Pikachu before it struck "Bad Pikachu!" Pikachu looked up, confused.

"Pika?"

Ash pointed to a tree "Hurry up and help me catch this thing, before it gets away!"

Pikachu shook his head "Piiiika"

Ash frowned "Whatever, I'll catch this Pokemon myself… Pokeball, go!" Ash sent out a Pokeball at the tree. The Pokeball bounced off. "Yay I caught it!" Ash cheered. He picked up the pokeball "Go tree!" Nothing came out. The pokeball did, however hit a Magikarp. "Oh no Pikachu! We made it angry!!!" The Magikarp blinked.

"Run Pikachu RUN!!!!!" Ash screamed. Ash ran away, carrying Pikachu behind him.

_Meanwhile…_

Misty sat on a rock next to a waterfall. It was a serene area, and Misty probably would notice the beauty of it had she looked away from her cell phone. She was chatting with one of her friends and saying "Okay, so like, my friend May was all like "OMG I found a Smeargle!!!" and I was like "Dude, what's a Smeargle?" and then she like, called me an idiot and like, hung up!!! I know right? She is SUCH a total jerk! Oh wait a sec, some total retard is running towards me with a Pikachu…"

_Back to "The total retard"…_

Ash bumped into a girl with messy orange hair. "Oops sorry Mister, I didn't see you."

The girl fumed "Like, are you stupid or something? I'm soooooo a girl!!! I hate you!!!" Ash blinked. Then the girl smiled and said "Hi, I'm Misty, will you go out with me?"

"What?"

"Will you like, go out with me?" Misty asked again "If you don't, I'll follow you around like an obsessed fangirl!!!"

"I'll look up how to file a recreating order!"

"Dude, it's called a restraining order and I can just say I am following you around because you damaged my bike!!!"

"I damaged your bike?" Ash asked. Misty grabbed Ash's Pikachu and attacked her bike with it until a handlebar was dented.

"Ha! Now I'm allowed by law to stalk you!"

Ash blinked again "So you won't go out with me?"

Misty looked at Ash like he was an idiot "I'll think about it."

Then a bunch of cosplayers showed up and started shouting

"Prepare for trouble! And make it double-"

"No sentences like, start with the word "And"" Misty told them.

"To protect the world from devestation-"

"The director told me you were the bad guys, but you want the world to not be devestated..." said Misty

"To unite all people within our nation, To denounce the evils of thruth and love-"

"Really? But I like Rocketshipping!!!"

"Why thank you.... anyway... To extend our reach to the stars above! Jessie! James! Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light! Surrender now or prepare to fight fight fight! Meowth thats right!!"

"Dude, you guys have a talking Meowth!!!" Misty exclaimed.

The cosplayers ignored her "Anyway, we're Team Rocket and we want your Pikachu because the Pokemart stopped selling us Pokeballs so now we can't catch one on our own but first we must go flying into the air!" Team Rocket went flying into the air and became a star.

"Well that was random" commented Misty.

"They seemed nice." Ash replied.

Misty looked at Ash "Well, I suppose you like, want to go to Pewter City to earn your first Gym Badge!"

"My what?"

"Um, your gym badge"

"A gym badge?!?! I'm not in girl scouts anymore!"

"You were in girl scouts? But Ash, you're a boy..."

"How do you know my name? Stalker. Anyway, I could say the same for you."

"STOP CALLING ME A BOY YOU JERK!!!!" Misty screamed. Just then a boy with purple hair walked up to them. Misty laughed "Is that your hair's natural color? Who are you?"

"I'm Paul."

Ash looked confused "Um, your not supposed to be here...Mr. Loser is my rival this season!"

Paul sneered at Ash "So? I have more fangirls than Gary!"

Misty coughed a cough that sounded suspiciously like "Fanboys" then realized what Paul had said. Misty looked confused "How did you know Ash calls Gary Mr. Loser?"

Paul snickered without smiling (he's the only one who can do that on Earth) "I played that joke on him when I was four."

Ash frowned "You mean his name isn't Gary Loser?"

No one replied. Suddenly, a chick with a police cap came zooming in "Hi I'm Officer Jenny! I'm going to catch Team Rocket! And I'm going to catch the idiot who is making all of the characters appear out of order!!"

Misty snarled "Sentences-never-start-with-"And"!!!!!!!!"

Ash frowned "Sorry Penny, you can't be in this fic... there is nothing to parody, you're already more of an idiot then me in the anime!"

Misty blinked "Ash, whatare you talking about? Fic? Parody? Anime? You need to see a good therapist!"

Ash smiled "I did before! Me and Paul were in group counseling!!"

Paul started to twitch "I-had-surgery-to-repress-that-awful-memory-but-you-brought-it-back!!!!

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**Heh, it's been a long time since I updated!You can tell because at the beginning I used x's instead of -'s. Sorry about the messed up character appearances.... Paul was on purpose though! He is such awesome parody material that I HAD to put him in. Gary will probably be in the next chapter *cue screaming fangirls* Please review.... This is my 2nd and best parody!! I wonder what I'll do for my 1st one-shot................................. :P **


	3. Chapter 3

_Welcome to Pokefail. Sadly, this chapter has been cancelled and been replaced by the Dr. Phil show. We're so sorry. Just kidding. We did this on purpose._

Dr. Phil sat back in his chair, facing the audience "Hello everybody, today we will be talking to a ten year old boy from Japan named Ash Ketchum."

An attendant came to Dr, Phil and whispered something in his ear and then Dr. Phil addressed the crowd "Ash Ketchup, sorry" A small boy rushed onto the stage.

"Hi everyone! Sorry I'm late; my shoe-tying class ran a little long."

Dr. Phil looked at Ash _Great, another imbecile; I'm not getting paid enough for this job._ he thought.

Ash sat down and started to talk "No one likes my girlfriend; I don't even think she likes me."

Ash's mom stood up "Have you seen her? She dresses so you can see her belly, that's gross!"

Ash's dad stood up next "Hi, you're not supposed to know who I am, but I can tell you I do NOT lead Team Rocket, and I do NOT leave my Gym for long periods of time, and I do NOT own a Nidok-

"Just get to the point already, Giovanni"

"Okay, fine. Anyway, I disagree with my wife. That chick is smokin' and if this doesn't work out I'll ask her to become one of my fangirls!"

Dr. Phil sighed "Yeah right, you have about as many fangirls as Andrew Ryan."

"Who?"

"Exactly. Now sit down." Dr. Phil replied. He grabbed a list of female characters in Pokemon and scanned it. Misty looked like the one they were talking about. Dr. Phil sighed "Okay, send your girlfriend on stage." he said.

Ash smiled "Yay!"

The next thing Dr. Phil knew he was flying head over heels, his chair following. He heard the voice of his attacker:

"Oopsie! Sorry, Philsey-kins!" the high-pitched voice let out a squeal "Ashie-pie! I've missed you!" Dr. Phil stood up, seeing a purple haired girly- looking boy kissing Ash on the cheek. Dr. Phil rubbed his head and said:

"Oh, that's why you were let on the show. I didn't know you were in _that_ kind of relationship. When did you both come out of the closet?"

The purple haired guy replied "Oh, as soon as I could talk, I tried to send my parents signs before hand, like when I had a butcher knife and tried to do a surgery myself but… they didn't ever seem to understand…"

Ash frowned "Well, Brock stuffed me in the closet at home once and I walked back out, but I can't remember when."

Dr. Phil rolled his eyes "No, I meant when did you _come out of the closet"_

Ash just looked confused.

"Look, when did you admit you're gay?"

Ash frowned "I'm not gay, Harley's a girl!"

Harley looked really confused "Ummm, Ashie- tootles…. I'm a guy."

Ash opened his mouth "Huh?" Ash grabbed a gun "I didn't think it would come to this Harley, but I can't have you ruining my good name!"

_Now time for a brief commercial break!_

Do you read parodies (or just one) on fan fiction and think to yourself "Why won't this go in order of the episodes? Well, we have advice from a great parody writer on how to cope:

SCREW YOU!

_Now back to PokePhil_

Another Purple haired-boy walked onto the stage, this one looking much more like a boy. "Why is Ash leaving in a body bag?" he asked "Did he point a gun at Harley again?"

Dr. Phil sighed "Never mind that, let's just start this part of the show." He turned to address the crowd. "Paul here is a recent victim of child abuse, his mother spanked him whenever he talked and drove him into emoness."

Paul looked at Dr. Phil "What? I don't know what you are talking about?"

Dr. Phil frowned "Then why are you so emo? Were genetic experiments performed on you as a child? Bitten by a radioactive black widow? Eaten alive?"

Paul started to twitch "I'm not emo, nor am I depressed, I'm just not a hyper person, that's all, and-"

"And what?"

Paul started to shake "Well, my dad was always mean to me as a kid, no matter how hard I tried to train he always told me Ash was better than me"

He started to sob "he-he-h-h hated me and I couldn't be his best friend ever and-and-and…."

Dr. Phil urged Paul to finish

Paul nodded and screamed "I TOOK AN IQ TEST AND CAME OUT LOWER THAN ASH!!!!!"

Everyone gasped. Paul was in a fetal position on the floor, sucking his thumb. Suddenly, Harley came back onto the stage "Hi Paulsy-poo! You look sad… do you need a massage?

_Commercials galore!_

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If so, solve your problem with Bendaroos!

Stick your friends to the wall!

Make an awesome hangman's noose!

For a limited time, you can buy decoration cremation Bendaroos for an extra cost!

_Please Note: Cremation Bendaroos' only difference from normal ones are that the word "cremation" is on the bag_

Anyway, buy Bendaroos or we'll sic a Jamaican guy on you with a chainsaw.

BENDAROOS!

_Back!_

Gary walked onto the stage and immediately asked "Hey, does anyone notice that Paul is exiting in a body bag?"

Dr. Phil shifted in his seat "Um, no, you're just seeing things. Come, take a seat!"

Gary frowned and took a seat "I've had some fangirl troubles. They don't realize I have a girlfriend."

Dr. Phil smiled sadly "Um, I thought you already knew this, but, an unknown assassin came in the middle of the night and killed Giselle, and carved the name _Jack_ into her hair, somehow, anyway, we're assuming that is the killers nickname, we just need to know who the killer is."

Gary shrugged "I never really liked her anyway. I love my Pokemon, but not my fangirls, I hate them." A bullet whizzed over Gary's head and he shouted "One of my fangirls has a ticket to see Miley Cyrus!"

Everyone in the audience started to attack each other.

Gary smiled "Works every time." he said.

Dr. Phil smiled at the chaos until it settled down "Today, as a treat to all you fangirls who think Gary's head is too big, we're going to trepan him in front of the entire audience!"

Gary frowned "What does that mean?"

Dr. Phil smirked "It means we're going to drill a hole in your head, genius." Then metal cuffs slid out of the chair and chained Gary's arms and legs to it.

Gary screamed like a little girl as Dr. Phil approached with a drill. An attendant heard muffled screams in the closet and opened it. Dr. Phil came out, bound in Bendaroos. The Phil next to Gary took off his mask to reveal he was Harley, with a drill, which is a sharp object, pointed at Gary's head.

Gary screamed again "The person who killed Giselle, HELP ME!!!!"

The person who killed Giselle walked up to the front row, grabbed a bag of popcorn, and started to eat.


End file.
